Why this...?

Some times the world may see me as a 'problem-less' guy, but they never know my inner reactions. Some times words may come out with a sweeter voice but my heart may feel the thorn's prick. Though my outer world seems to be happy, some silence in my inner world, some strange feelings will always be there.

Am I missing something or someone? ...

Yes, I'm missing someone. The absence of that person does not show on my outer face; it remains to be happy always but my heart feels the pain of that absence. It always makes my inner self cry to see all these doors leading to my salvation close one by one. It creates more and more distance with that person everyday and leaves me alone with no one to blame.

I have no idea how to overcome this feeling, even though I knew these things are not real; my heart can't survive them. I feel that everyone's inner self is not what we see of them on the outside. Everyone may or may not have such feelings, but I do.

I don't know how I'm going to be in the future, but I cannot change the past; I cannot change my future since it seems to be an one way road. I have little choice but to face these problems. Though my heart beats as normal as everyone, every single heart beat seems to be killing me.

Somethings we can share with friends, some with family and some with our life partner; but somethings we cannot share with anyone. Many a times, I felt it will be good if what I desired happened but now I feel why it happened for it is hard to survive these stings of thorns in my heart. I would have been happy if those things did not happen. Who knows I may feel the same in some other way.

Anyway I got used to live with this pain for almost last five years, I don't know how long it will be. Sometimes I may think why these things not happen to others, why only me... why this...

I didn't find any reasons, but I'm not willing to know them too...

why this...?